Death of an Educator
by CrazyRabidChicken of Nibelheim
Summary: Konoha High School is the top public school in the province, or at least it was before the untimely death of the Third Principle. Now in the afterlife, he watches the school go into a downward spiral of drugs, sex, and Health Class.


**Death of an Educator**

Disclaimer: We own Ten-ten the whore, Shino the heroin addict, Kiba the Acid kid, and Sakura the next P!nk. All other characters are regulars on that anime you guys watch, so we can't claim them. Ah well. Moving on.

Introduction

by everyone's favorite dead Hokage

Welcome to Konoha high school, home to the next generation of world leaders, made up of fine students seeking their upper level instruction from teachers hand picked to be the most superior in the province. Here students can thrive in a safe but independence-encouraging environment with an advanced college preparatory curriculum. There are many fantastic extracurricular activities for ambitious students. Many student-run clubs can be seen in action on campus. Sports teams are competitive and inclusive to insure only friendly competition. The drama and music programs are highly developed along with the art and dance programs. KHS encourages students to choose the direction their education will go, while also making sure that they get a good all-around education to take them wherever they may want to go in future years.

UZUMAKI NARUTO I SWEAR ON YOUR FATHER THE FOURTH HOKAGE IF YOU SKIP CLASS ONE MORE TIME I WILL... well, what can I do? Oh, hello. I'm sorry, excuse my rudeness. I haven't introduced myself. Sandaime Hokage Sarutobi, at your service. Regrettably, since my absence brought about by my assassination, things have gotten rather badly out of hand in KHS. Ever since the Health teacher murdered me, I've been unable to do anything about the out-of-hand behavior of the students and the staff. All I can do is watch through the security cameras. Oh, yes, I forgot to mention. KHS has security cameras all over the place that link directly to my place in the afterlife. I'm sorry, I didn't say that KHS was an ordinary high school. Just go with it.

Anyway, as I was saying, UZUMAKI NARUTO I WILL HAUNT YOU UNTIL THE DAY YOU DIE. GO TO MATH CLASS!

Chapter One: Assessing the Damage

History class first period is, in theory, the worst possible thing that could ever happen to a poor, defenseless, high schooler. However, in the special case of KHS, the same is true for any teacher unfortunate enough to have to endure an hour with those children who are diligent enough to actually come to class that morning instead of sleeping in or stuffing each other into lockers.

Professor Iruka walked into his classroom at eight fifteen that morning, twenty minutes late for the start of class, and yet, he was still the first one in the room, except for Hinata Hyuuga, who didn't really count as a student anyway, because she had never in the history of her education at KHS skipped a class. Iruka ignored her as he slouched over to his desk, waiting for the five or six other students who would come to class, despite the forty-five student roster. Within half an hour, a whole seven other teenagers filtered in, sitting at whichever desk they got to first before collapsing. Normally this high attendance would give the underworked professor some hope, but he had a sneaking suspicion that three out of seven were tripping, and could therefore not be held responsible for their actions. Including Hinata, only two of the students actually there that morning were present in the interest of academic, well, it couldn't really be called achievement, but at least _credit, _persay. Again, this wasn't comforting, because the other actually-here-to-get-a-grade student was the _other_ Hyuuga, Neji. Neji Hyuuga received the highest marks in the school. The three who were not of the Hyuuga family persuasion and who were not on drugs (yet) were Sakura Haruno, Shino Aburame, and Naruto Uzumaki. Neji sat down in the front of the class, but as far away as humanly possible from his cousin, Hinata, as she was also in the front row. Sakura sat down in the second to last row on the far left, eight rows behind Hinata. Shino took a seat in the very back in the second column from the right, never taking off the hood that most likely concealed the thin white earbuds of a stolen iPod.

Naruto lingered at the front until Sakura sat down, then dashed through the rows of desks to the one right next to Sakura. When the pink-haired girl saw him start to sit down, she sent a withering look in his direction, then shook her head once in each direction. His was not enough to send Naruto away, but he did sit down more cautiously. The second he was in his chair, Sakura aimed a casual backhanded blow in his direction, which, naturally, send the wiry Naruto flying into Shino.

Shino wouldn't have minded under other circumstances. It was quite understandable that at any time during which Sakura, the driven bombshell who everyone said was the next P!nk, and Naruto were in the same room together, Naruto could go flying. However, Shino had been in the middle of something, and having a teenaged male, no matter how wiry and comparatively insubstantial, crash into you was never a pleasurable experience when one had a needle in their forearm.

"Fuck," Shino muttered in his husky baritone, scowling into his hood against the pain of his needle being snapped off into his arm. His long-fingered hand clenched into an angry fist on the desk, though this fist did not, as perhaps it should have, smash into Naruto's face.

"Let that be a lesson to you, Shino," said Iruka, "that heroin hurts in more ways than one." Shino did not respond, but his mouth formed a hard line as his free hand wrenched the broken needle out of his forearm, then placed it back in his jacket, from whence he pulled out a fresh one identical to the one Naruto had snapped in half.

Sakura rolled her eyes and pulled out a clunky black pair of headphones that looked as though they were held together at every joint by duct tape, pressing Play on a battered CD player and doodling on her notebook in sharpie contemplatively. Naruto took a seat behind and to the right of her so that he was out of punching range but still close enough to satisfy his fantasies.

Just then the door banged open, revealing none other than... the English teacher. Professor Kakashi, or, as he indulgently encouraged students to call him, Cash, strutted into the history classroom with an unreadable expression. Literally. According to a habit that gained him a reputation as some kind of former Hollywood ninja, Kakashi's entire face except the eyes was covered by a mask that connected to his undershirt. This didn't stop the English teacher's intentions from being perfectly clear as he crossed the room, however, and Iruka's yelp could most likely be heard all the way back in the English class Kakashi was supposed to be teaching right now.

"Kakashi! Not during class!" Iruka whined, trying to push away the aggressor. Kakashi ignored Iruka's complaints and went on with his systematic molestation of the history professor. Hinata was blushing, but no one else in the classroom looked as though they either noticed or bothered. A very low mutter of "honestly" could be heard from Neji, but he said nothing else once he fished a copy of The Count of Monte Cristo from his book bag.

While the sentient portion of the class merely averted their eyes from the scene, the collective conscience referred to as The Stoned Kids simply stared blankly. Every so often Kiba, who had had one too many tabs of acid that morning, would pause in his erratic twitching and exclaim something about green farm animals, while Shikamaru, a hastily-rolled joint clutched lazily in two fingers, would say something like "dude" or "whaaaat." Rock Lee's manic grin was faltering, which gave him the green light to pop six more prozac. Soon enough he was sitting up even straighter in his chair, eyes completely round.

The door, which had just begun to swing close after being opened so very violently by Kakashi, banged open once more, making Kiba twitch and Shikamaru's eyes roll vaguely to stare at the newcomer. Even Neji's pale eyes shifted, boredom plain in their pearlescent depths. Of course, once they acknowledged who was standing there, Neji's eyes flitted back to the book in his pale hands, trying as hard as possible to completely ignore the tanned nymph standing there.

Ten-ten, so named for her raucous exploits over the last spring break (involving ten males and ten females) walked expectantly over to Neji, her wide hips swaying far more than was necessary. Her denim miniskirt was worn so low on her hips that the edges of blue star tattoos on either side could be seen. Ten-ten perched on Neji's desk, crossing her legs and sliding a brown hand under Neji's chin.

"Neji-ji-ji," she said petulantly, "I want sex. Now. Let's goooo..." Neji didn't look up.

"No. I'm reading," he replied stonily, not looking up from Mercedes' desperate attempts to reconcile her relationship with Edmund Dantes.

"But Nejiiiii," Ten-ten whined, "you _owe_ me."

"No."

"But—"

"No." Ten-ten pouted heavily, then edged off Neji's desk and promptly sauntered over and placed herself on Hinata's lap. Hinata's eyes widened as Ten-ten looped her arms around Hinata's torso, and Ten-ten's brown eyes flitted across the room to Neji to view his reaction. A muscle in Neji's face twitched, but nothing more gave away that he had even noticed Ten-ten's attentions toward his hated cousin.

Suddenly Iruka's hand could be seen desperately clutching at his desktop from behind it, pulling and heaving until his face was above ground level and he looked at his demolished history class. "Hey! No sex in my classroom!" he barked. A low growl came from behind the desk, and Iruka's face paled as he shrieked "save yourselves!" and was pulled back behind the desk.

At that point the bell rang, and everyone jolted, as though waking from some kind of trance, and rose from their seats as they headed quickly to second period Health.


End file.
